Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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