I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
