the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
