her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
