the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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