You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
