He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
