Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
