why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
