I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
