There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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