This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
