Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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