I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
