The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
