you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
