the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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