Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't turn off my feet"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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