If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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