brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
