haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
