3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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