So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
