I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
