I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
