I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
