my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
