Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
