1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
