I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
