I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
