the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
