He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
