This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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