Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
