remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
