dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
