This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
