I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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