Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
