Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
