best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
