best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
