I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
