Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
