I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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