Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
