as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
