It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
