He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
