Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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