Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
