omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
