Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
