people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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