Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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